how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
