i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
