evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize