i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
