my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
