The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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