Just cropdusted the office
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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