Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
