I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
