she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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