Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize