What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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