Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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