he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We have so much sex to catch up on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
