I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize