I CAN MOONWALK!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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