Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize