i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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