I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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