there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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