They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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