Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
