i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
