ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Damn victory sex feels great
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
