dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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