We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
