Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
