Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
