I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
