Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
