i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
