the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
