This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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