This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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