The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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