Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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