woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
