I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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