apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
