he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
