the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
