Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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