I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize