I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
