we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
