So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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