Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
