So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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