I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
