I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and she was petting her beer can
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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