New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize