At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
