I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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