I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
