Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
