Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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