i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
