yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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