The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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