You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
