stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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