First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
