Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
