I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
