so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
