im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
