he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
