Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
