I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
